Package

7 ka lang nun. 17 naman na ako. Ready ng mag-college. Di ko malimutan. Hanggang ngayon. And it kills me tuwing maaalala ko. Wala namang may gusto nun, believe me. Gusto lang nila na meron ako ng lahat na kakailanganin ko. Kung magagawa lang nila yun ngayon, I’m sure gagawin nila yun sayo.

Sino bang makakalimot nun? It was late afternoon. Checked your backpack. Mabigat. Sobrang bigat. Nagduda ako. What could it be? Pagtingin ko, pencil case pala. Pero bakit ambigat? Binuksan ko. Daming coins. Karamihan tig-dos. Yung may kanto pa ang meron nun. Nakakapagtaka, bakit ang dami? Tinanong kita. San galing ‘tong mga ‘to? Sabi mo iniipon mo? Lahat? Sabi mo yung iba galing sa alkansya kinuha mo at inipon. Yung iba galing sa baon mo. Sa isang banda natuwa ako. Sa isang banda nagtataka. Tinanong kita ulit kung bakit. Sabi mo kasi bibilhin mo yung rubber shoes na nakita mo sa palengke. Tapos bigla ka ng umiyak. Naiyak na din ako. At lalong nagsikip ang dibdib ko nung sabihin mong kasi yung package puro para sayo, mas madaming pink kesa green na kulay. Alam mo na ang green na highlight para sayo. Ang pink naman para sa akin. Sabi mo pa kaya nag-iipon na lang ako para mabili ko yung gusto ko.

Nakakapanghina. Nakakasakit sa loob na ang isang batang tulad mo nakapag-isip ng ganun. Tulad ng ganun. Naguilty ako. kahit alam kong di naman talaga nila intensyon na maging ganun.

Simula nun, sinabi ko sa sarili ko hangga’t kaya ko ibibigay ko lahat, para sayo. Kahit mahirap gagawin ko. Alam ko hanggang ngayon, nasa isip mo yun. Nababasa kita. Pero masaya na din ako kasi di ka galit sa akin. Di naman di ba? Sana nga hindi ka galit. Kasi ako ang unang malulungkot. Pramis!

Sana mabasa mo ito. Somehow, sana malaman mo na worried ako hanggang ngayon para sayo. Alam kong nasa isip mo pa din “yan”. Yung package.

Sana hindi na ha? Gusto ko maging maayos ka. Gusto ko the best lahat para sayo kasi nag-iisa ka.

ABOUT THE AUTHOR: Blogger since 2007 | Home-based Marketing Assistant | WAHM | Ex-OFW | Music enthusiast | Cactus and Succulent Hobbyist | A 41 y/o mom of two lovely girls sharing her adventures as she walks through motherhood and having to do most things on her own while her Indian national husband works miles away from home.

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8 Comments

  1. you again made me cry with this one, but more this time. grabe, your bro’s reaction really touched me.. but i hope you dont tie yourself with this guilt all your life because it’s not your fault.

    i was a jealous freak when i was a kid. it even came to a point when i asked my mom kung ampon ba ako.. not of material things tho, ako kasi lagi ang inuutusan, so in turn, ako lagi ang mali, and in consequence, ako lagi ang pinapagalitan..

    my point is, i outgrew all of that and i love my siblings all the same. for all you know, your bro is probably doing fine, and better, forgot everything..

    on your pmn entry, well, i get mixed reactions. a parent is always a parent even if he can’t provide financially.. i too am somewhat a big boss in the family, i always intervene when there’s a big decision to make within the family.. like my mom sometimes ask me to talk to my brother when there’s some delicate subjects to be discussed.. but that’s all about it..

    what i don’t want to happen is that my siblings loose the sense of financial independence and responsibility because they know they could count on me. i have an auntie (dad’s cousin) kasi who worked all her life abroad, then her sis and bro depended on her, even living la vida loca, and they never had a job even when they’re graduates from prestigious schools.. and they still depend on her now even if they have there respective families… another example is a pinay living near dijon who sends her 10 nephews and nieces to school because apparently, her 2 brothers and a sister have no job.. and this poor pinay never saw the phils for 20 years now!… well, i don’t want to scare the heck out of you, just a reminder..

    i hope you don’t see this negatively.. minsan kasi, some pinoys find my opinion harsh when it comes to this topic..

    [Reply]

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