The Thought Of Losing Someone

Just the thought of losing someone in the family already scares me. What more if you actually did? Being here is a disadvantage of not seeing them for the last time. You can’t do anything… but hope that it happened for the better.

When my grandmother died 3 years ago, I wasn’t there. I was helpless. They knew I’d panic! I was at work when I received the call. They tried to send me messages, but I was so busy to check my cellphone at that time. They didn’t want to call me, coz they know I will get hysterical. But there’s no other way… It was my cousin… My cellphone was on silent, and they had to go through the operator. The operator got her connected to my extension….

Cousin : Nabasa mo na ba text messages namin sayo?

Me : (bigla akong kinabog) Hindi pa… bakit?

Cousin : Basahin mo muna… (alam ko di nya alam kung paano sasabihin sa telepono)

Me : …………………………………….. (wala na akong nasabi pagkatapos nun)

I kept the phone down. And cried…. My boss saw me. He asked me why? But I was speechless. No words were coming from my mouth. I suddenly thought of my promise. I could hardly breathe, my Filipina colleague decided to check my cellphone, there…. they came to know. Boss asked me if I want to go home and rest… I said no. I’d better stay and keep my mind occupied.

After a while, I called home. “She” wasn’t home still. I was decided to go “home”, but then I thought and do what? Grieve more? I had to be practical. There’s no one else to shoulder the expenses. And I didn’t want them to depend on the “abuloy”. Instead of going home and spend money for my ticket, I’ll just send it home… for “her”, for the last time.

When I look back… I always wish “not to receive such calls even text messages”. I always tell my family, if it’s not so important, don’t call me like something bad happened. It just leads me to paranoia that maybe somebody died again.

That’s why I always do the courtesy to call them. Unless it’s my birthday….

ABOUT THE AUTHOR: Blogger since 2007 | Home-based Marketing Assistant | WAHM | Ex-OFW | Music enthusiast | Cactus and Succulent Hobbyist | A 41 y/o mom of two lovely girls sharing her adventures as she walks through motherhood and having to do most things on her own while her Indian national husband works miles away from home.

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