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How to deal with an argument

Sooner or later, no matter how sunny your relationship or how besotted you are with each other, a quarrel with your other half is inevitable. Living in close quarters and dealing with the stresses of everyday life, or simply wandering into a common couple misunderstanding, are just two of many things that can trigger a full-blown argument. Don’t worry, though – this doesn’t mean you’ll have to break up. In fact, it’s completely normal. All you need to know is how to deal with it. Whether you met on eHarmony or at the local pub, here are five simple steps to solving a relationship dispute…

1. Calm the situation
Tensions are high during an argument and raised voices are common. But these get you nowhere near a solution and often make everything worse. Therefore, try your best to calm the situation from the beginning. Make cups of tea or go for a long walk – anything to cool things down and make sure you’re not being overly affected by your emotions. Then you can sit down to discuss the problem with a rational, logical mindset.

2. Talk it out
Talking is the only way out of an argument. Sit down and cut through all of the misunderstandings or buried resentments and get everything out in the open so you can examine the issue together. Although this may be uncomfortable, it’s the only way for any relationship to work, and it’s much better than sitting on a problem for weeks and using the ‘silent treatment’ method – which does no one any favours. To avoid the argument in the first place, bring something up if it’s troubling you and ask your partner if you think something’s troubling them. It’s better to get these things out of the way as soon as possible.

3. Apologise
When you’ve discovered what the issue is, or heard their side of the argument, make sure you apologise – even if you still do not think you were at fault. However much you were to blame, you have hurt their feelings in some way, so swallow your pride and apologise.

4. Rationalise
Now is the time to explain away any misunderstanding and rationalise exactly what it is that has made you both so angry. Is there a bigger issue here? Was it all in reality a product of being tired and stressed? If the argument was over something very minor, there may be a much larger issue hiding behind closed doors – perhaps external to the relationship, perhaps not.

5. Decide on a solution
Now you’ve identified the problem, apologised and talked everything through, it’s time to decide how best to move forward. Come up with an active solution to the problem. Small domestic rows can be easily solved with washing-up rotas and other practical routes. Other issues may need some more thorough work, and you may decide the ultimate solution is to start seeing a couples’ counsellor.

Whether you met on a website for black singles or through a friend, we all have couple arguments. Just make sure you deal with them in the right way!

A full-time home-based Marketing Manager by day, 24/7 Mom, and a Blogger at any time. I’m 42 and proud. Mom of Derelle & Erchelle, sharing my adventures as I walk through motherhood and having to do most things on my own while my Indian national husband works miles away from home.

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