After being happily married for over 15 years now, some questions still continue. It’s either they are just curious or literally questioning my decision of marrying a different national – an Indian at that.

Why an Indian? Why not? Besides my parents never questioned me nor went against us, so why bother? Though there are times that it’s just too much not to get annoyed. We’ve been together for a total of 21 years now, but there was one question that I still couldn’t forget, and still making me furious. It actually came from a cousin-in-law asking me “Bakit Indian, eh mahirap pa yan sa daga?” Wow, that was definitely a discriminating and annoying question!! People, not everyone gets married for wealth and security. Ours was not even a fixed marriage, it was pure love. We were together for 5 years before we finally settled down. Cringy it may sound to other people, but yes, it’s because we love and can’t afford to lose each other, and that still continues up to this very minute. Inggit ka ba, besh? Hahaha! As I’ve said we were together for 5 years before we got married. It wasn’t an instant decision. For people who witnessed and somehow became a part of our journey would definitely give us many rounds of applause because we made it, and we continue to nurture our relationship the best way we can. And to that person who asked me that question, well, I think we got lucky ‘coz God made you watch how we got to where we are now. Karma is real, you know!

Going back to those “questions”, I had actually blogged about this back in 2007 “Marrying a Different National” already. We were only married for 3 years then. Let’s take a look and go through ’em again one by one, and perhaps tweak ’em a bit.

Q-#1. Wala bang amoy? With that question, I would strongly suggest that you also check other nationals including our fellow Filipinos, there are worst cases than theirs. In the first place, I wouldn’t get myself struggle from it if ever that is the case. Definitely, I will introduce hygienic routines for him to get through it. But to answer that question, no he doesn’t have, his underarms may even smell better than your perfume haha! Char!

Q-#2. Kaya mong kumain ng Curry? Oh definitely, I can even cook Indian dishes. Surprisingly, curry is the most requested dish in our clan during gatherings, and they love it better when my husband cooks it for them. I have extra spices here, want some? (Syempre joke lang yun, I only get my supplies on a yearly basis so yeah I am keeping it for us haha!)

Q-#3. Eh di nag-iba ka na din ng religion? No, I didn’t and won’t even need to do that. He’s a Catholic, the whole family is. Even if they’re not, I don’t think that will matter at all.

Q-#4. If you end up together, where will you settle in? Pilipinas or India? This is something we have talked about and never became a big deal. Besides, our current set-up does not require us to decide. We have other plans in mind. At the moment, he’s based in Bahrain, while we are residents of the Philippines. He comes home every year, and we get to visit India if the budget permits.

family travel
kerala india
goa india
Check out some more photos of our last visit to India last November 2019. You may also want to watch some video clips that our girls took during the trip:

Derelle Carvalho > http://bit.ly/2gfFFWy
Erchelle Carvalho > http://bit.ly/2HEun8X

with the in-laws
with nana and dadu
My whole clan loves him dearly, and I am sure his whole family, including relatives, feel the same towards us. Even if they don’t, I will never be bothered anyway. At the end of the day, it’s all about us, period.

Q-#5. What about your kids? Which school would you send them to? We have incoming Grades 5 and 10, and so far this has never been a problem or an issue. At the moment, they go to a Catholic school, and so far so good. Language is also not a problem. My husband speaks English fluently (nakakanosebleed nga ang Brit accent nya eh!), and he even comprehends Tagalog, and speak a little. Our girls do the same. Even my in-laws (even their relatives) speak English fluently.

Embracing each other’s culture I guess will never be a problem for us. We have already adjusted. In fact, our girls have seen it and actually experienced it. Besides, it’s all about compromise. As I have said in the past blog post, he eats sinigang, I eat curry. He wears tokong, I can wear saree. No big deal.

me wearing saree and kurta

It’s also fun to experience other nation’s practices, traditions, and become aware of their culture – not only when you have plans to marry a different national. It’s mostly about compromising and respecting one person, including the people around him.

Let us never judge mixed marriages. Not everyone marries for wealth and security. Let’s give it to them that they also fall in love, and that’s it! Not everyone who marries a foreigner (especially US nationals) secretly plans to go to the US as a stepping stone. Here’s hoping that these impressions will eventually change, and disappear, and be replaced with respect and fair judgment. It’s okay to throw questions, but be nice when you do. It’s normal to get curious but never question their life status. Respect.

Mitch Carvalho

YOUR DIGITAL MOM NEXT DOOR
A full-time home-based Marketing Manager by day, 24/7 Mom, and a Blogger at any time. I’m 43 and proud. Mom of Derelle & Erchelle, sharing my adventures as I walk through motherhood and having to do most things on my own while my Indian national husband works miles away from home.